Have you ever gotten kinda drunk and started to do something stupid, only to sober up halfway through with more than enough time to regret it, but at that point you realize the only logical thing to do is finish what you started?

So I shaved my balls again.

I actually wrote that joke a week ago, I've just been busy. At the time of this writing my cock and balls resemble the face of a man who direly needs to shave. Though if we were to keep with the idea that my crotch is a person who needs things, we'd also have to say he'd need plastic surgery to make his nose and chin look less like a shaft with testicles... And really, if we're going that far, let's just simplify it by saying I have dick-stubble and leave it at that.

Moving on now...

Many parents teach their children a "Safety code word" which allows them to be picked up after school by someone other than their parents without fear. "Hey little Timmy, don't go with anyone but mommy and daddy unless they say the word 'Aardvark' three times." This is an interesting idea, but it could backfire on everyone if the parents have a sense of humor.

One day I shall have a child, and his code words will be "Hey kid, I won't stick it in your ass, now get in the van." True this may give the kid a few false positives, but it WILL be funny, and I expect to fuck up the first few kids I have anyway, so this "code word" can act as kind of a filter. You know, weed out the first few dumb ones until I can have something brilliant burst forth from my loins to carry on the tradition of sharing with the world the Johnson views on masturbating.

Speaking of, am I the only person who has to masturbate before going to sleep? I know that many men make "tugging on tigger" a regular nightly activity, but for me, jerking off is like Ambien. I can't go to sleep without it, and if I do too much of it, I may be tired and dizzy the following day.

Um.... Yeah. Have a nice day.