Monday, November 17, 2008

posted by Josh at
Here's a game from PETA - Only play it if you're ready for some insanely stupid shit:
http://www.peta.org/cooking-mama/

Now as a life-long meat-eater, I have to tell you that this new parody of cooking games brought to you by those wacky PETA boys and girls was actually really hard for me to play. I don't mean because it hit me morally or anything like that, I mean the game is practically un-playable. "Cooking Mama, Mama Kills Animals" is basically a collection of mini-games. The mini-games are each based on one of the steps you need to take in preparing a thanksgiving feast, and PETA, I have to give it to you, you did include most all of the information you need to actually take a turkey from the field, to the kitchen table.

Thank you so much! You know, I've always loved eating poultry, but I've been afraid of actually killing one myself. Didn't think I'd know how! But now that I've played your game, I feel very confident that I have all the knowledge I need to turn a small bird from a mother into a dinner for 4. I really couldn't be more grateful. You took out all the guess work!

But yeah, the game was a bit... lame. The way they score you is that you're scolded by the evil cooking mama, skillfully portrayed by Lindsey Lohan, when you fail to complete a task on time. I failed in one activity to cut a turkey's neck into four parts to make stock, having only removed one of them before the timer, and I was punished by being told I was being "too nice"...

Now I know that this is propaganda and all, but is there anything you can do to a turkey that's nice after you've already killed it? Is it showing mercy to a carcass to half-ass it's deconstruction before you eat it? I'm a touch confused... But that's OK. With their taking medication tested on animals, or their actually euthanizing animals themselves, or even their basking in a tolerant society that they're incapable of tolerating, I've gotten used to thinking of PETA as some kooky fuckers.

One more thing about this game; How does anyone think playing video games will change people's morals? This is 2008, and Grand Theft Auto 4 is one of the top games on the market. If America can shoot up New York City while sleeping with prostitutes and selling drugs without blinking, why do you think graphic turkey violence is going to phase us as a nation?

Anyway, my shower was broken up until a few hours ago. I hadn't felt real good water pressure in over a month, and I forgot how fantastic it truly feels. The plumber who fixed it is the same one I'll be telling you all about in Egodriven's first web video production, due in a few weeks. I'll be telling you all about how upset I was when he interrupted my masturbation a while back, and I'll share this story while I throw a razor-sharp knife around in the air and catch it. How's that for something to look forward to?

Have a good one.

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