Saturday, December 06, 2008

posted by Josh at
Meet Knifey McKniferson.

kids; I'm a professional idiot, and you probably shouldn't try this at home.


OpenID edminster said...

Yes, I still live. As do you, I was pleased to note. Nice knifeplay, and please send my warmest regards to the good Mr. McKniferson. I do have a question, though. Without pants, what will hold all my pockets together?

11:13 AM, December 07, 2008  
Blogger Josh said...

Hi there, you! Indeed, it's been a while. Knifey kinda only talks to me, but I assure you, he returns your regards. On to your question:

I understand there is a male need for pockets, and as of such I'm not anti-kilt. They sell some pretty cool cargo-kilt type things these days, I hear.

Past that, you can tell from my videos that pajama pants I consider a necessary evil. They provide me with the minimum amount of genital covering required by law (and YouTube) for me to go out into public places, and yet I still feel a stiff breeze on my balls at least once an hour.

Life is all about compromises.

12:56 PM, December 07, 2008  
OpenID edminster said...

Ah. I have seen these 'Utilikilts' for sale that sport cargo pockets, but that is not near enough pocketry for me. For example, I have a couple of pairs of pants which contain no fewer than eleven (11) pockets apiece, and I use them.

In fact, my ideal garments would consist of nothing but pockets of all sizes. I would require some form of kilt that reaches the ground in order to get that type of capacity, and as yet I have not seen any for sale.

So, I must sadly conclude that I am unable to forsake pants of all types. I do wear pants a couple of sizes larger than necessary, however. I have found that they provide the most freedom when it comes to movement, and leave my scrotum unmolested.

There is also the added bonus of needing a belt in order to wear such pants, and upon that I am able to hang even more pockets. I'm starting to think that my particular love of pockets borders on the fetishistic, but I do not mind so long as I have ample storage space.

4:43 PM, December 07, 2008  
Blogger Josh said...

Have you considered using guy-purse, or "man'd bag", instead of pants to meet your capacity needs? I can understand that it may not be the most comfortable way to walk through the mall, wearing naught but a t-shirt, some boxer shorts and a pouch that looks like it may be full of tampons, but still... It's better than wearing pants.

5:45 PM, December 07, 2008  
OpenID edminster said...

'The best laid schemes o' mice and men...'

Yeah, I tried just a backpack quite some time ago, and that just ended in the conclusion that a backpack is also essential equipment. So, now I wear a backpack when I head places as well.

Quite frankly, I think it is starting to get out of hand. When I got home last night I inventoried my pockets, and found that I was carrying three books, a pocketwatch, a wallet, some rings, my phone, keys, and miscellaneous shiny things I picked up while walking around.

Again, this was in my pockets. My backpack contained four more books, in addition to a couple of notebooks and several different writing implements. Also, a knife sharpener. And a throwing knife.

I'm prepared for something, I just have no idea what.

9:44 AM, December 09, 2008  
Blogger Jeff said...

Sarah Palin's potentially being sworn in as president in 2013?

No amount of pockets could prepare us for that.

5:39 PM, December 09, 2008  
Blogger Josh said...

How do you put books in your pants? That must be horribly uncomfortable... I can't stand keeping my dick in pants, and your way sounds way more crowded...

2:31 PM, December 10, 2008  
OpenID edminster said...

I don't put the books in the pants, they go in pockets. Many paperback books are sold in 'pocket-size' versions. While they are far too large for something the size of a shirt pocket, they fit precisely in the recess provided by the common Cargo Pocket. A thin enough 'pocket-sized' book can even reside comfortably in a regular pant pocket, assuming the makers of those pants provide roomy pockets.

As an avid reader, it is not unusual to find me in possession of at least two books whilst perambulating. On particularly beautiful days where I have nothing urgent to do, that number may increase far beyond fifteen. Not all are in the pockets, mind you.

As for the comfort? This is one reason why I prefer purchasing pants that are slightly too large for me. The room provided by such baggy clothing makes tightness caused by stuffed pockets a non-issue. So, no crowding.

3:17 PM, December 10, 2008  
Blogger Josh said...

You know how much less crowded it is when you're wearing packed cargo pants instead of packed normal pants? Imagine how not-crowded it feels with no pants, and a bigger backpack. Plus as an added bonus, you're crotch is exposed! It's win/win!

6:20 PM, December 10, 2008  
OpenID edminster said...

So there I was, stuck in traffic on the Beltway when the idea formed. The issue is genital constriction, yes?

The solution is obvious. Chaps are the way to go. They provide some protection for the legs, and yet leave all of the important bits completely free! Even better, I think one could add pockets to them. It's a win-win scenario!

4:33 PM, December 11, 2008  
Blogger Jeff said...

I am proud to have witnessed this successful Internet-based Brainstorming Session.

12:09 AM, December 13, 2008  

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