Sunday, January 18, 2009

posted by Jeff at
Despite all of my efforts to the contrary, I am slowly becoming Jesus Christ.

Much like Tim Allen in the Santa Clause films, I am predestined. Not to be Santa Claus, but to go an entire notch higher. Ladies and gentlemen, I am your Lord and Saviour incarnate. I recently discovered that I have what has, as of yet, gone undocumented as "Messiamorphosis"... or "Jesus Christ disease" as it is culturally accepted.

In time, my ability to travel across the surface of water without sinking will increase tenfold. Likewise, I will soon be able to transform wheat byproducts into fish at the flick of a wrist. I will even be able to compromise and create tuna sandwiches, something that the original Jesus was too much of a purist to consider. It is my blessing, it is my curse.

Don't believe me? Just look at this beard growth!

In only three weeks, Mother Nature has begun a deliberate movement to make me more visibly analogous to the Christ that we all know and love. My golden lace bathrobe's already on order, with Super Saver Shipping! Any day now, my powers will kick in and we'll be able to start some shit!

Indeed, friends. I am ready to lead mankind.


Blogger Josh said...

Well new-Jesus, I know this is probably blasphemy and all, but that picture really does look like the "before and after" shots for AIDS.

12:12 AM, January 19, 2009  
OpenID edminster said...

It's not a disease, it just turns out you are one of the Jesi. It's all explained here:

7:27 PM, January 20, 2009  

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