Tuesday, July 14, 2009

posted by Jeff at
Thoughts and Observations:

Is Bruce Vilanch just an ironic statement on gay culture by America's greatest documentarian, Michael Moore? Is he Michael Moore's homosexual cousin? Could it be that his persona is just a career-long joke, ala Larry The Cable Guy? I can't find a good explanation for this man's existence! It bugs me.

Sometimes I consider ignoring the honor system. I do not honor your system!

Why isn't white lingerie popular anymore? Is it the stigma that visible racing stripes aren't all that sexy? Perhaps dark undergarments have been proven by marketing experts to create 50-75% more erections than their light counterparts. Where do I go to join that focus group?

How can ticket scalping be illegal when Ticketmaster does it routinely?

You know how sometimes in old movies, you hear that term? "Ah, the cotton-pickin' TV is on the fritz!" That is a huge racial slur that nobody seems to give a shit about. If you deconstruct the phrase, you immediately detect that cotton-picking is negative slang. And who picked more cotton back in the day than African-American slaves? It doesn't take a mathematician to solve this one.

Fact: When I was a kid, I had a dog named Mauly. But she never mauled anybody! I'd sit there on the edge of the porch, watching... waiting for her to give some elementary school schmuck a lifetime scar. Never happened. Ah, life is full of little disappointments. It's good to learn that at a young age. Gets you off on the right foot.

A lot of my favorite comedians are dead. George Carlin, Phil Hartman, Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, Chris Farley, John Belushi, Steve Martin. It's sad, you know?

There is a merry Irishman at work that always has a skip in his step. Sometimes, I think I'm the only person that can actually see him. And there's another guy that, I'd swear to God, was a talking rat. He's just under 5 feet tall and looks like he crawled out from under an abandoned bridge. Plus, he only knows 4 phrases and has an odd fascination with Christmas. Maybe he's an elf. Then there's the fat dude that used to work there who constantly smelled like he shit his pants. Bad. To the point where I think that they fired him over his body odor. What a way to go, huh?

I don't mind letting another couple fuck in my bed. I'm a generous host! I won't even change the sheets. But I may sniff them!

Pet Peeves: Women that have more visible body hair than I do. Look, I don't care if you're an androgynous 52-year-old lesbian trucker with a receding hairline and a penchant for flannel, buy a fucking razor and get to work on that shit. I just ate, for crying out loud!

2 Comments:

Blogger SupaChard89 said...

You mention "cotton picking" as a racist remark... how about the most common? "Jimmies!" The word Jimmies or Jimmys or however one prefers to spell it is used to refer to chocolate sprinkles, right? Wrong! Why are only the chocolate ones called Jimmies? Because they're brown! What else is brown? Black people! It's a racial slur, and I believe, though don't quote me on this, that it started because of the Jim Crowe laws! Think before you order ice cream next time!

11:04 PM, July 14, 2009  
Blogger Jeff said...

It's good to be socially aware!

5:22 AM, July 15, 2009  

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