Hate Mail Hall of Fame

Hate Mail Hall Of Fame

Hello, friends. Believe it or not, I'm not the most well-liked person in the world. Thanks to my beautiful little comedy site, I get more hatemail on a busy day then I can count... For a long time, I deleted every letter I got from angry feminists and religious zealots, but just recently, I realized I had some real comedic jems in my collection... so I decided to just create a simple little page containing some of my best hatemail from over the years. Enjoy!

An Angry Feminist

Dear Josh Johnson,

I am a 39 year old mother of 2. My oldest son, a 13 year old, swears by your site. I thought it was harmless at first, until he started making jokes about how all women are good for is sex. When I asked him where he got such ideas, and he told me he read it on your humor site, I was quite angered.

I started skimming through your website, and after only 20 minutes of reading, I have noticed at least a dozen remarks that would make a young child believe that it is okay to see women as only sexual objects. For instance, you made one comment comparing breasts to lava lamps because of the "Hypnotic jiggling". That is entirely unacceptable. It demeans that which sustains an infant's life, and that type of low-brow humor should not be written on a site that has a primary audience of young children.

What I saw of your site disgusted me to no end. You should be ashamed of your male-chauvinist attitude.

Signed,

Charlene <Last Name Omitted>

Dear Charlene,

Thank you for your letter. I always appreciate it when someone takes the time to write me with their criticisms about my site. Too bad none of your criticisms are valid. You see, you are just bitching about nothing. Typical woman...

I do however agree that I shouldn't have compared breasts to a lava lamp. Maybe a better comparison would be that breasts are like Jell-O. Why? Because after eating a full meal, you can't eat a lava lamp. But much like breasts, there is always room for Jell-O. Yes...

If you would like to continue this wonderfully educational conversation, I will require a snap-shot of your breasts, because much like every other woman in the world, the only thing that could possibly make what you are saying interesting, is if I am staring at your tits while you are are talking.

Sincerely,

Josh "Big Pappa" Johnson

Egodriven.Net would like to take this opportunity to point out that Josh Johnson is really an equalist, and a supporter of Women's Rights. This woman had sent in a second letter a day before this one, which contained cursing, and various other "un-friendly" remarks. The responce to this letter was meant to offend her, and only her. Any comment about women being inferior to men is meant to be a joke, and should be taken that way. Thank you.

A Moron with a Large Vocabulary

yo josh.

youi fuking suck!!! my LITTLE SISTER is more funny then you are, you little faggot!!! You like it in the ass, dontcha cock-boy? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! You suck! I rule!!!

danny S.

Dear Danny,

Ah, it's wonderful for me to see my younger audience sharing their opinions with me in a short, well-thought-out form. I mean, not everyone can think up such wonderful criticisms as "You suck", yet still have the charm to really pull-off capitalizing every letter except the letters that require capitalization. I bow down to you.

Oh, and by the way... "Faggot"? How'd you know. Did your father tell you? Damn he was good... We went all night.

Hugs and Kisses,

Josh Johnson

The Holy-Roller

Dear Josh Johnson,

A youth from my church was talking about your site after his sunday school class. He had said a child from his school had told him about it, and about how you have an obviously disturbed soul, and were acting out with it, much like he was taught about in sunday school the week before.

We brought it up at our next praise meeting, and I just wanted you to know that we are praying for your soul.

God Bless You.

Jenny <Last Name Omitted>

Dear Jenny,

I appreciate your concern, my daughter, but there is nothing to be worried about, For I have found God. I will share with you the secret. God is my penis.

Yes, I know what you are thinking. I too was shocked when I first found out, but it all made sense. Upon deeper contemplation, I realized that my penis had a Godly presence. On top of that, the prayers I make to my penis are answered with the same 50/50 consistency rate.

I have started the Church of Cyclops. You are free to come before the holy penis at any time to pray. Bow down to my penis. And while you are on your knees... no! That is a sin... I forgot... I'm sorry, my daughter. I am still getting used to the burden of having God between my legs. Thank you for your letter.

Penis Bless You

Reverend Josh Johnson