All You Ever Need to Know About Erections

     So you want to know about erections, huh? Alright.

    When a man gets excited, his penis will flush with blood and he will get a hard-on. This you know, some of you better than others. The mystery to you women tends to be the "why" of it all. Let's break this into a few categories.

Erection Type #1: The Morning Wood

     So you're sleeping with your favorite guy one night and when you wake up you find your man still asleep, yet his dick is wide awake and rock-hard. Why?

     Well ya see, as I've explained in previous sections, men as a species are rather obsessed with sex. Love it or hate it, it's ingrained into out brains, and if it weren't, none of us would be alive right now. One of the side effects of this sexual fixation is that, almost every night, almost every man dreams about sex. Or at the very least, dreams about someone (or something) that we want to have sex with.

     Ever have a dream that seemed so real that you could have sworn that you were actually there? Basically, our penis (which is far more simple-minded than our "other head") thinks he's "actually there" in our dreams every night, so when we dream about Jessica Alba showing up on our doorstep wearing nothing but a G-string and a thin coating of KY-Jelly, our dicks simply follow that concept to its logical conclusion and become raging boners in anticipation of "what happens next."

Erection Type #2: The "That's Inappropriate Right Now" Boner

     So you're sitting in church with your husband, and just as the preacher gets to the part about how Jesus was crucified for your sins, you look over and notice that your loving companion is as stiff and hard as the dead savior's body after rigor mortis set in. Why?

    Did you know that men don't need to be mentally excited to get a boner? Well they don't. Sometimes it just happens. Seriously. It's often a mystery to us. But the fact of the matter is, it's hard-coded (heh, I said "hard") into our genetic makeup that the fate of our entire species depends on our ability to have sex as frequently as possible. As of such, your average man is equipped with a "tool" that can be operated at any time for any reason.

     Maybe a strong breeze went up his leg and "stimulated" something without him even knowing. Maybe his underwear was rustling around his wang, and that caused the sudden stiffy. Maybe he's ignoring the preacher's pleas for salvation entirely and is instead imagining Jessica Alba at his door wearing nothing but a thong and some lubricant. Only he knows. But the bottom line is, sometimes these things just happen.

     I'm not going to write out why men have erections shortly before you have sex with them, that should be fairly obvious by now. I hope this section has helped shed some light on that most mysterious of animals that lives between our legs.

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