My Boyfriend/Husband Looks at Porn! Is it Wrong to Feel Insulted?

     Recently I've gotten a lot of letters about this. Many women wrote to me and said that they felt hurt, or degraded, or appalled, or maybe even just confused by the fact that the man in their life feels the need to "read" pornographic magazines, or watch porn videos. The question almost all of them asked: "Is it wrong for me to feel hurt by this?"

     Welp, the answer is "No, and Yes."

     First off, I understand completely how having your man looking at pictures and videos of other women performing sex acts with men (or better yet, with other women) could be a blow to your self esteem... But really, porn is almost always a substitute for times when you aren't available to blow things that aren't associated with self-image. 

     Guys are horny quite often, and if you aren't there (or if you aren't "up for it" at the time), he may just go to the next best thing. I understand how this could irritate you, but at least know that if this is the case, he doesn't mean it as an insult, and you'd probably be well-off not to take it as one.

     If your guy is indulging in pornography at times when you are around and "in the mood", then it may be a case of you and your significant other being at opposite ends of the kink-o-meter.

     Meaning: It's possible that your man may be into some things that you are not, and rather than risk asking you to perform (or be performed upon with) these maneuvers, he turns to porno to satisfy his lust for, oh, I dunno... sex-acts involving a whip, a gag, a dead cat, and a bottle of Sprite. Not that I would know of such a thing. Anyway...

     If this is the case, I suggest using this discovered porno as a window into his sexual psyche. See what type of porn he has the most of, and you'll know what he wants.

     Now I am in no way, shape, or form recommending you give him what he wants. Men are pigs. Men quite often want some rather disturbing and often unacceptable things that I wouldn't wish on anyone but my enemies. I'm just saying that if you find that what he wants is something you wouldn't mind doing, then the porno will probably disappear... Unless his fetish is for making homemade porn, in which case you're on your own, hon.

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