|
| Did you ever Realize on a Peaceful Day, When all is Quiet and you can really Focus
your mind, That silence is Actually the sound made by a Snail when
he Masturbates? |
| I Don't trust my Cat. I mean sure, He's cute,
He's cuddly, But he's also part of a massive conspiracy to destroy
the earth with the use of a rectally-delivered Cat-Pill that will
convert Tuna-breath into a lethal gas, thus killing every human on
the planet.
Also, He licks himself a lot. I
wish I could lick myself. I think he's just Showing-off.
Damn Show-off... |
| I Love Dogs.
I Love the way they wag
their Tails when they see you, I love the way they curl up at the
foot of your bed to nap, But most of all, I love the way they
smell when you've shaved them, clubbed them, basted them in
butter, and cooked them in a large oven at 350° Fahrenheit for 2
and a half hours, or until golden brown. |
| Some days I'll go for a
Walk in the Park. I see a Duck swimming in the pond, and a
Squirrel running along side. Then I Pull out a Gun and shoot the
Duck, as a message to the Squirrel. |
| There Once was a Man
from Nantucket.
Stories About this Man have been
Greatly Exaggerated. |
| Give a man a Fish, and
you Feed him for a Day.
Give a man a Fish Fish
Frozen-Solid, And you have given him a Blunt Weapon that He can
use to Club other men to death and steal their Softer, More Edible
Fish. |
| If I Ever Have a
Daughter, I shall name her "Kyla", Because it is a
Beautiful name
If I Ever Have a Son, I shall name
him "Kick Me", Because I am a Bastard. |
| Procrastination is like
Masturbation; It's fun, Until you realize the only thing you've done is Fuck yourself |
- Josh
Johnson
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